The Introvert's Survival Guide to Ministry

Secret's out. I'm a huuuuge introvert.  

I spent the first 22 1/2 years of my life in the same state attending the same church and for the most part had the same friends since my childhood. I would have classified myself as slightly shy, but not introverted. Then I moved out of state to IBC where I barely knew one other person. It took me a year to feel comfortable just walking through the SLOB (student lobby-for all you outsiders ;)) or the cafeteria. I realized very quickly that I was an introvert and that I valued time alone and a few close, meaningful friendships over dozens of surface ones. Thankfully, I met many other introverts who were in the same boat as I was as well as a few extroverts who became good friends and helped push me along. Eventually I felt comfortable and even at home there. In fact, leaving IBC was like leaving a second home and family.

Fastforward to 27 year-old, newlywed me and my wonderful, introverted-but-slightly-more-extroverted-than-me husband. We moved to his hometown-12 hours away from my home-where I knew only him and his family. I had also briefly met a few church folks but for the most part everyone and everything was new. Within the first few months, I was in ministry up to my neck and have been ever since.

I used to hate being an introvert who felt called to a life of ministry. I would pray things like "God, why did you make me this way if you wanted me to be in ministry? Wouldn't I be more effective if I was more outgoing and more energetic?" I still don't know the answer to that last question; but, what I do know is that He made me this way and He loves me and He chose me for some reason. Therefore I'm going to do the best with what I am and what I have.

Being a bit of an extreme introvert (seriously, I'm basically as far over on the introvert scale as you can possibly be without being downright anti-social) while being heavily involved in ministry isn't easy-especially at a brand new church in a new town where you don't know anyone! But it's possible to survive and thrive in the ministry as an introvert.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Learn to rely on your relationship with God.
When you have close friends growing up and/or you're close to your family, it's easy to depend on those relationships to get you through times of loneliness, awkwardness and tough transitions. When you're new and it takes you months (or even years...guilty) to warm up to new folks, you learn to find a deeper appreciation for those times of prayer and Bible study where it's just you and the Lord. You need that relationship with Him anyway if you're going to make it in ministry, but I've learned to be especially thankful for it during the past 2 years.

2. Know your limits and work within them.
Some people may think that introverts hate social interaction. That couldn't be further from the truth. We love it and we crave it...in small doses. My husband jokingly refers to my "people quota" which is the point in time where I am completely exhausted and mentally drained and need to "step away from the people" in order to recharge. I know that I have this "quota" and I also know that once it is "met" I have a very difficult time controlling my facial expressions...And so I have to take the proper precautions. If we're going somewhere that requires me to be socially involved I gauge my mood before hand. Can I stay 10 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour? I'm usually pretty good at pinpointing my energy levels and knowing when I've had enough. Sometimes I surprise myself and end up doing much better than I thought.

I know that small talk and "working the room" are not my thing. As an introvert, my thing is meaningful conversation and one-on-one or small group interaction. So when we have an outreach event or a youth event, I do my best to smile and greet people but then I try to find one or two people, find a point of common interest and start a conversation with them. This way, I can do my part to connect with people and make them feel welcome while stressing myself out as little as possible. 


3. Prepare and plan.
Sundays are my busiest, most exhausting day of the week and they are also the days where I'm required to be the most social. So I make an extra effort to get a good night's sleep
Saturday night. I usually lay out my outfit the night before. I make sure I get up early and have time to wake up and enjoy some early morning quiet. I usually drink a little extra espresso for that extra little burst of energy. We plan ahead for Sunday lunch so I don't have to worry about going home and cooking after church so I can relax between services. With a little extra preparation, my Sundays usually go very smoothly and I'll even go out after Sunday evening service for some fellowship and enjoy it very much!

4. Have an encouragement call list.
As mentioned above, introverts usually have a few close, tight-knit friendships rather than lots of surface friends. It sometimes takes months or even years to solidify those friendships...and that's ok! So when you're new somewhere it can take some time for new, close friendships to form. During that time, it helps to have a list of about 5 friends and/or family members that you can call from time to time and spend 3 hours on the phone catching up. I have utilized my call list several times and every single time I have come away from the conversation invigorated and strengthened.

5. Marry someone who "gets" you.
My husband is my very best friend (I can hear your eyes rolling). We do everything together and we get along beautifully. I knew that as an extreme introvert I was going to have to marry someone who was on the same page as me in that area. He's not quite as introverted as me but he knows what it's like to max out on his "people quota" too and he gets me. Moving 12 hours away from home without that kind of relationship would have been so much harder for me to do. I tell him frequently that he's my "default". You introverts know what I'm talking about...going to any social event you need someone to come in with, to stand with, to talk to and to sit beside. If that person leaves you or at any point in time you can't see them you immediately become anxious. When you find them again you immediately feel relieved. To an extrovert that probably sounds pathetic but you introverts get me, I'm sure. Probably one of the best things about being married (for an introvert, anyway) is that you always have a default.

6. Realize that you have to experience seasons of discomfort in order to grow.
I wish I could tell you that there was some sort of secret or some tips and tricks to make it all easy. Unfortunately that's not the case. Sure, there are some things you can do to make things a bit easier on yourself, but sometimes it's just going to be difficult. Sometimes he requires a little more of us than we are eager to give. If there's any one phrase that describes ministry, it's constantly "stepping out of your comfort zone." I can honestly say that I have never regretted doing that. Any time I have stepped out at his bidding, I've always found that there is more than enough grace, strength and wisdom waiting for me to carry me through. I have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I just have to go through some uncomfortable things.

7. Give yourself time, show yourself grace.
The first time I had to run a music practice with my team I was terrified. I barely knew them. I could barely play the piano and I was supposed to be playing and singing and teaching these people a song? I just know it was awkward. But the Lord has helped me these two years. I got better at the piano (still have a looong way to go). I got to know my team better and I now have relationships with them.

If I have learned anything in the past two years it's to give myself some grace and give myself some time. It's unrealistic for me to expect the same level of connection in a month or two with my new friends as I've had with friends that I've known for 10 plus years. Those close, tight-knit relationships took years to build, and so will these.



God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you, when he saved you and when he called you to the ministry. He didn't make a mistake. There was no oversight. He knows YOU. Your tendencies, your personality, your circumstances, the parameters of your comfort zone...he knows it all!

No matter what your inherent personality traits are, you have to remember that while you can't change them, you also must not use them as an excuse to be ineffective in what God has called you to do. Get to know yourself and get to know your God. Ask him for help and guidance. Know your strengths and utilize them. Know your weaknesses and be instant in season, out of season. He will help you where you fail. His grace is sufficient!

Blessings,

Kristen

Our Financial Testimony: Part 1

God has blessed my husband and me so richly this past year. By his grace and his wisdom, we are celebrating the fact that we are now completely debt free! I mean, no car payments, no medical bills, no credit card debt, no student-loan debt and no house payment! In less than 2 years of marriage, we are already realizing some goals that we thought would be much farther down the road. To God be the glory!

First of all, credit where credit is due: 

I will sheepishly admit that before I married my husband I had never successfully made and stuck to a budget in my life. Thankfully, my wise parents warned me about the dangers of credit cards and consumer debt and I was able to avoid the interest rate trap that so many people fall into. Other than that one smart decision I wasn't very responsible with my money. 

Then I met Dustin Moore. During our time of dating and engagement we had many, many, MANY conversations about money and how it should be handled (as well as other important topics that you should discuss with your possible future spouse). We even took "Foundations of Personal Finance" together at Indiana Bible College. Upon getting married, we agreed that we would always live on a budget that we both constructed and agreed upon. We have done just that for the past year and 10 months and will continue to do so.

Having an accountability partner made all the difference with me. Having my husband for my teammate has made finances fun. We have enjoyed meeting goal after goal-as a result of our budgeting, yes-but also with a little outside help. 

I've learned some valuable lessons during this time...

First - Be wise, but also trust God. My husband and I have been working hard to be wise with what we have and to manage our finances the way we believe God would have us to manage them. But truthfully, we are well ahead of where we should be because of the help of the Lord through the generosity of his people. Gifts came from unexpected places and people. We had a few setbacks. Unexpected bills came up and we had to trust God to take care of us. We are the recipients of many undeserved financial blessings and we are so grateful for them. You can plan, prepare and budget-and you should-but ultimately it all belongs to Him. We are his stewards and it's our duty to manage what he has given to us. God expects us to do what we can but we shouldn't forget that He can do what we can't!

Second - It's not about how much you have but it's about what you do with it. I'm not going to tell you what our annual income is but it is modest. We have made it work for us. My husband works in collections at a credit union (which is weird because when you think collections you usually think mean and he's actually, literally the nicest person in the world). He sees all kinds of financial situations and it has been part of his (and our) motivation for financial responsibility. He sees people who make 2, 3, or even 5 times what we make and who are struggling paycheck to paycheck. He's seen people receive large sums of money that could be of serious benefit, only to be blown through within a few weeks. He's seen enough to strengthen his resolve and cause him to work hard to ensure that it never happens to us. And so, we budget. We work together and we decide and agree upon where our money goes. With our carefully constructed budget, our modest income stretches further than some peoples' much more lavish incomes.

Third - Working together on finances strengthens my marriage. My heart sincerely goes out to couples who cannot get on the same page financially. Marriage is a team sport. A marriage where both husband and wife view each other as teammates (instead of competitors) is a marriage that is blessed. Finances are a huge, HUGE piece of marriage and it's important that both people know what's going on with the finances and agree together about what money and how much goes where. My husband and I work together to construct our budget. We have monthly budget meetings where we make sure that we agree upon every item and tweak things as needed. Then we stick to it! We hold each other accountable. As a result of all that teamwork, we both reap the benefits of our discipline. (For example, we budget and save for vacation. We are then able to relax and enjoy it because we know we have enough to spend and aren't going home to a credit card bill.) Nothing strengthens a marriage like setting and achieving goals together!

I would advise anyone, young or old, married or single, kids or no kids, ANYONE-if you do not already live on a budget or have short and long term goals for your finances-do it! Start now! We (Husband and me) highly recommend any Dave Ramsey books and classes. I know that his isn't the only good financial plan out there; but, it is a good one that is Biblical and has been proven successful by a LOT of people.

I will be the first to admit: setting and achieving specific financial goals is not a breeze. It takes discipline, maturity and foresight. Budgeting is not an exact science and we had to tweak and adjust and move things around quite a bit before we found a groove. Sometimes we blew the budget a little and we had to pay for it later. We never went without anything we needed but we did do without a lot of luxuries by choice because we knew that every sacrifice we made now would be rewarded later. And we were right!

In the world we live in there is an abundance of instant gratification. Most people are operating under the assumption that if they can't get rich quickly, they'll never have wealth. The truth of the matter is that no matter where you start, you can achieve your financial goals with patience and discipline (yes, I know, groan...). We've been in this thing (marriage) for just under two years and while we have achieved some of our goals we are no where near achieving all of them. But that's okay! Life is a process to be taken step by step. Like the apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11, we have learned to be content with where we are and what we have.  

I named this post "Our Financial Testimony: Part 1" not because I have part 2 coming out next week, but because I know there's more to come in the future. God is faithful and in due season, we WILL reap what we've sown. (Galatians 6:9)

Blessings,

Kristen

3 Ways to Reduce Drama in Your Life in 2017

Happy New Year! (8 days late...oops!)

Already my year is shaping up to be extremely busy. What else is new?

With all of the craziness that is my busy life, I seriously don't have time for unnecessary drama. Life in general - and especially a life in ministry - is fraught with drama and there is no way you can eliminate it all. Relationships are wonderfully complicated and messy things because they are made of people with emotions and circumstances and perceptions and all that stuff that makes life interesting. I have, however, learned a few things in my 29 years and I want to help you out this new year with some tips to decrease dramatically the drama (see what I did there?) in your life.

The good news is this: It's not God's will for you to live in a constant state of anxiety due to drama and strife. If one of your new years' resolutions is to get rid of some drama-that's a good thing! Paul said in Romans 12:18 "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." In 1 Timothy 2:1-2 He says to pray for all men and those in authority "that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty." Hebrews 12:14 tells us to "Follow peace with all men..." 

God wants us to live in peace. He wants us to have that inner peace that comes from being filled with his Spirit and submitted to him; and, he also wants us to "follow peace" with other people in our lives. It may take some work on our part; but, we can definitely take some steps in this new year in the right direction.

As I said before, I cannot promise you a completely drama-free life, but what I can propose is some godly wisdom-taken straight out of the Bible-that, if followed, can significantly reduce the amount of unwanted drama in your life. There are three overarching principles that I believe we can extrapolate from the Word of God that can help us with this. 

So here they are:

1. Don't be a fool.

2. Don't be friends with a fool.

3. Don't date/marry a fool. 

There ya have it. Good luck!

...Just kidding, I'll explain. 

First of all, let's define some terms. The book of Proverbs talks a lot about a "fool" and it's the definition given by Proverbs that I'm referring to in all of the above three points. Some characteristics of a "fool" as laid out for us in the book of Proverbs are as follows:

A fool...

... places his/her trust in self rather than in God. (Proverbs12:15, 28:26)
... is a "know it all" (Proverbs18:13)
... doesn't listen (Proverbs 18:2, 12:23)
... meddles in other peoples' business (Proverbs 26:17)
... speaks before thinking (Proverbs 13:16)
... cannot receive correction/discipline (Proverbs 12:1, 17:10)
... is impulsive (Proverbs 14:29, 29:11)
... is full of mischief and commits evil (Proverbs 10:23, 14:9)

To sum up, a fool is self-serving, rash and difficult. In other words, a drama king or queen.

In contrast, the book of Proverbs also has much to say about the wise man or woman. 

A wise man/woman...
... places his/her trust in God and the wisdom of the Bible, understanding that his/her own wisdom is limited. (Proverbs 9:10, 3:5-6, 30:2-6)
... recognizes authority and accepts correction and rebuke, understanding that it is for their good. (Proverbs 9:8)
... is slow to speak; he/she thinks before speaking. (Proverbs 29:11)
... seeks wise council (Proverbs 1:5)
... understands that they are influenced by who they spend time with and therefore choose their friends (and spouse) carefully. (Proverbs 1:10, 22:24-25)

So don't be a fool! Rather, be wise. 

Don't be friends with fools. You can (and should) be friendly to everyone and love some from a distance. But you should surround yourself with wise people. Those in your inner circle should give you something to strive for.

And lastly, if you have not already chosen and married your spouse, be very, very careful and prayerful in this process. Choosing wrongly can cause you a lifetime of...well...drama! But choosing a wise, godly spouse is the absolute best thing you can do besides choosing to serve the Lord.

I encourage you, friends, to start reading/studying the "Proverb of the Day" if you do not already do this. There are 31 chapters in the book of Proverbs. Each day, read the Proverb that corresponds with that day of the month. On months with 30 days you can double up on the last day and in February you can double up chapters on the last couple of days. If you want to put these 3 principles into practice this year, this is one of the best ways to study and absorb the wisdom of Proverbs and to set yourself up for a much more drama-free life. 

Best wishes for 2017! 

 
Kristen